


Insert Appropriate Sappy Lyrics Here

by loquaciousEscapist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-01
Updated: 2012-01-01
Packaged: 2017-11-22 16:50:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/612036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loquaciousEscapist/pseuds/loquaciousEscapist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"This Is The Story Of A Beautiful Jadeblood And Her Mysterious Troll Matesprit Who Is Definitely Not Rose Lalonde As A Troll Why Would You Suggest That"<br/>There is a reason you should leave the roleplay to Nepeta, and this illustrates about thirty of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Insert Appropriate Sappy Lyrics Here

grimAuxiliatrix opened memo on board A Story By Kanaya

GA: There Was Once A Mysterious Elegant And Highly Attractive Jadeblood Called Kanayelle Maryanna. One Day She Left Her Hive, Dressed Perfectly In Clothes Of Exquisite Taste, To Go For A Walk. Also She Could Leave During The Day Because She Was Special. She Walked For Many Minutes, Eventually Coming Across Another Troll! She Peered At It. It Was Sleeping. Or Dead.

GA: “Hello, Are You Dead,” Kanayelle Said Sultrily, Batting Her Eyelashes Very Attractively.

GA: “I Believe So, Because You Appear To Be An Angel,” The Troll On The Ground Said. This Proved She (The Troll Was A Girl) Was Not Dead. Although People Can Talk When Theyre Dead But Thats Not The Point She Was Alive.

GA: “What Is An Angel?” Kanayelle Asked Inquisitively.

GA: “I Dont Know I Just Think It Is Something I Would Probably Say,” The Troll Said. “My Name Is Rosalindalina Lalondalicious, I Have Been Travelling For Many Sweeps, Searching For The One Called Kanayelle.”

GA: “I Know Her. Her Is Me.” Kanayelle Said Loquaciously. 

GA: “Good Gracious, What Are The Odds That I Would Find You Mere Yards Away From What Is Probably Your Hive?” Rosalindalina Said Surprisedly (Authors Note – That Is A Word I Do Not Understand Why There Is A Squiggly Line Underneath It). 

GA: “This Is Certainly Surprising.” Kanayelle Also Said Surprisedly. Both Of The Attractive Trolls Were Very Surprised.

GA: Suddenly There Was A Noise. It Came From Rosalindalina. She Was Bleeding. Her Blood Was A Deep, Rich Lilac, Such As Kanayelle Had Never Seen Before, But She Knew Rosalindalina Wasn’t A Mutant Because Attractive People Cannot Be Mutants.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] responded to memo.

CG: I RESENT THAT. KANAYA, WHY’RE YOU WRITING YOUR SELF INSERT FICTION ON ONE OF THE MESSAGE BOARDS?

GA: I Am Trying Out Roleplaying Karkat How Did You Even Find This Board

CG: I WAS JUST BOARD HOPPING, AND I SAW THIS ONE WAS ACTIVE, AND WALKED IN ON THIS. DO YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE? YOU MIGHT WANT TO CONSIDER MAKING THIS PRIVATE, TOO.

GA: No Perhaps You Can Help Me I Must Confess I Am Not Especially Gifted At This Creative Endeavour

CG: SO, WHAT, YOU WANT ME TO TAKE OVER THEN?

GA: If You Wouldnt Mind

CG: UM, ALL RIGHT THEN.

CG: THE TWO AFOREMENTIONED ATTRACTIVE TROLLS (REALLY, KANAYA?) WERE STARING AT EACH OTHER IN THAT SLIGHTLY DIGESTIVE SACK CHURNING MANNER, AS THEY ALWAYS FUCKING DID, WHEN A BRAVE MILITARY LEADER, COMMANDER VANTAS

GA: People Frown On Self Inserts In Roleplay Karkat

CG: WHAT THE FUCK? I – OH, FINE.

CG: COMMANDER VENTASS THE GREAT MARCHED INTO THE CLEARING, HEADING UP AN ARMY OF SPECTACULARLY VICIOUS THRESHECUTIONERS. HOWEVER, THE NOBLE COMMANDER WAS HIDING A TERRIBLE, DARK SECRET – HIS BLOOD SPARKLED. AND GLOWED IN THE DARK. ALSO VENTASS FOUND IT DIFFICULT TO TRUST PEOPLE BECAUSE OF THIS, YET PEOPLE WERE DRAWN TO HIS BROODING LOOKS. HE WAS HANDSOME AS FUCK.

CG: “I SEE YOU HAVE FOUND ROSALINDALINA,” HE SAID MAJESTICALLY. HE WAS RIDING A HOOFBEAST. “HAVE YOU TOLD HER YET?”

CG: ...(KANAYA THIS IS WHERE YOU NEED TO CARRY ON I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S SO GREAT ABOUT ***ROSALINDALINA***)

GA: I Must Admit I Am Not Aware Myself Perhaps We Need More Assistance

gallowsCalibrator [GC] responded to memo.

GC: 1 H4V3 B33N 1NFORM3D OF YOUR D1L3MM4, 4LLOW M3 TO SHOW YOU HOW TH1S 1S DON3.  
  
GC: 1T W4S COMMON KNOWL3DG3 TH4T COMM4ND3R V3NT4SS COULDNT R1D3 4 HOOFB34ST, 4ND H4D TO G3T SOM3ON3 TO L34D TH3 HORS3 FOR H1M. TH1S SOM3ON3 W4S L3G1SL4C3R4TOR PYROP1N3, WHO NOT ONLY KN3W 3V3RYTH1NG 4BOUT TH3 L4W, BUT W4S 4LSO T4L3NT3D 4T 3V3RYTH1NG 3LS3.

GC: “1 W1LL T3LL TH3 M41D3N!” SH3 S41D. “ROS4L4ND1L14,

GA: Her Name Is Rosalindalina Please Stick To Canon

GC: BUT TH4T 1S TH3 TW1ST! SH3 1S 4CTU4LLY 4 S3CR3T TROLL PR1NC3SS C4LL3D ROS4L4ND1L14, WHO 1S GO1NG TO F1GHT FOR H3R R1GHT TO RUL3! 4LSO SH3 1S S3CR3TLY 4 DR4GON. 1 W4S GO1NG TO R3V34L 1T V3RY DR4M4T1C4LLY, 4ND TH3N YOU 1NT3RRUPT3D.

GA: I Apologise Would You Like To Continue

GC: NO, 1TS K4RK4TS TURN NOW >:]

CG: SO THE ATTRACTIVE PRINCESS DRAGON TROLL ROSALANDILIA, WHO HAS ACTUALLY BEEN BLEEDING FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW, IS NOW DEAD, BUT THIS IS JUST THE CATALYST FOR HER TRULY SPECTACULAR TRANSFORMATION INTO THE HORRENDOUS DRAGON-PRINCESS HYBRID OF THE ‘4NC13NT DR4GON PROPH3S13S’.

GA: The Troll Kanayelle Cries Attractively. So The Troll Dragon Princess With Luscious Blonde Locks And Lilac Orbs Cups Her Face In Her Delicate Hands I Mean Claws After All She Is A Dragon Now. But Just Because She Is A Dragon It Does Not Mean She Is Scaly And Unattractive. She Still Looks Like A Troll. She Just Has Wings.

GA: “Do Not Cry, My Jadeblooded Love,” The Raisinblooded Dragon Said Sweetly.

GC: WH4T 1S 4 R41S1N >:?

GA: I Looked It Up On The Human Internet For A Suitable Synonym That Rose Would Understand. I Did Not Actually Look Up The Word Raisin. Raisins Are Irrelevant.

CG: FUCK RAISINS.

GA: Exactly

GA: “But I Wanted To Frolic In The Fields With You I Cannot Do This If You Are A Dragon It Would Be Improper And You Have Dragon Duties To Attend To” Kanayelle Said Very Sadly

GA: “I Would Forgo My Dragon Duties For You, My Little Cabbageblood,” She Said. Her Blonde Hair Was Looking Very Pretty.

GC: “BUT TH4T 1S 1MPOSS1BL3!” TH3 M1GHTY DR4GON PR1NC3SS S41D M1GHT1LY. “1 4M GO1NG TO B3 SO BUSY, 1 H4V3 4LL TH3 1RONS 1N TH3 F1R3. 1 C4N BR34TH3 F1R3. L3T M3 T4K3 YOU W1TH M3, W3 C4N B3 STUNN1NGLY 4TTR4CT1V3 4S 1 FLY 4ROUND BR34TH1NG F1R3 4T TH1NGS.”

CG: “I AM SCARED OF HEIGHTS,” GENERAL VENTASS SAID.

GC: “NO ON3 W4S 1NV1T1NG YOU >;].”

CG: “I NEED TO GO, I HAVE TO KEEP AN EYE ON THEM, THE LAST TIME I DIDN’T KEEP AN EYE ON PEOPLE YOU RAN OFF WITH THE SMELLY STRIDICK TROLL.”

GA: During This Commotion Kanayelle And Rosalindalina Ran Away. Theirs Was A Matespritship To Defy The Natural Order Of Things. It Was Very Romantic And Inspirational.

GC: BUT TH3N D1S4ST3R STRUCK! FOR DR4GONS L1V3 FOR3V3R 4ND 3V3R, 4ND 3V3N TH3 S3X13ST J4D3BLOODS C4NT L1V3 FOR3V3R!

GA: But It All Turned Out Okay In The End As Kanayelle Was Secretly A Wizard Who Could Live Forever The End

**

\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] sent tentacleTherapist [TT] the file “TheGreatestLoveStoryEverTold.txt” --

**Author's Note:**

> After spending so many hours crafting my ladystuck contribution with love and care, I needed to write the most terrible thing I could think of, and Kanaya took the brunt of my horrific prose. One day I will write a serious Kanaya/Rose fic, but this is not that day.


End file.
